So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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