you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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