marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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