alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
