So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
