guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
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the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
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I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You were trust falling into bushes
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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