YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Randomize