I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize