Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
