my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
