Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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