I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
