Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
