You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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