if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
