I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
