i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
