i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
