Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
