I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
