In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
