Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
