So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
