3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
