If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
