he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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