What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
