ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were destined to go to rehab together
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize