Pappa wants mamma naked
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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