I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
