On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
