There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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