can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
