No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
