Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
