in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
