I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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