So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
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I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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