I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies don't puke and tell
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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