Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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