hell yes lets make some ravioli
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
