Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
