How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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