1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
