Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dicks are not precious.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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