still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
