Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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