If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
BRING THE BAGELS
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
