it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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