My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize