im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
