Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
