Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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