im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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