Texts From Last Night

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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger

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  (540): I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger http://tfl.nu/crtx
  Replies (37) Good night (4364) Bad night (849)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.

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  (571): I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday. http://tfl.nu/tetw
  Replies (73) Good night (11104) Bad night (1662)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower

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  (250): I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower http://tfl.nu/dtnj
  Replies (14) Good night (6146) Bad night (1178)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...

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  (484): he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car... http://tfl.nu/7kdq
  Replies (5) Good night (2529) Bad night (1342)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  you inspire me to be a worse person

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  (360): you inspire me to be a worse person http://tfl.nu/en33
  Replies (6) Good night (3454) Bad night (1240)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..

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  (608): On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me.. http://tfl.nu/zeud
  Replies (1) Good night (1946) Bad night (649)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth

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  (540): i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth http://tfl.nu/m5qw
  Replies (6) Good night (905) Bad night (1464)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night

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  (412): I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night http://tfl.nu/c70m
  Replies (30) Good night (2463) Bad night (1342)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.

  (904): View more from Florida

  Keeping it classy as usual I see

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  (229): It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back. (904): Keeping it classy as usual I see http://tfl.nu/9n6z
  Replies (3) Good night (1536) Bad night (687)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical

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  (614): you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical http://tfl.nu/syu3
  Replies (6) Good night (1576) Bad night (578)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity

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  (218): He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity http://tfl.nu/7l4i
  Replies (5) Good night (957) Bad night (506)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"

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  (+61): I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs" http://tfl.nu/gwkh
  Replies (4) Good night (1668) Bad night (549)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand

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  (443): Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand http://tfl.nu/0tkh
  Replies (4) Good night (350) Bad night (739)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.

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  (734): This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving. http://tfl.nu/sgt2
  Replies (4) Good night (366) Bad night (474)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget

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  (610): So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget http://tfl.nu/3geu
  Replies (2) Good night (529) Bad night (569)

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