pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
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having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
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The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?