if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?