I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Still dying that you shit outside
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.