Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
