Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.

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  (214): My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes. http://tfl.nu/jl4m
  Replies (72) Good night (6697) Bad night (1581)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.

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  (219): So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on. http://tfl.nu/rrpe
  Replies (9) Good night (4240) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.

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  (908): Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic. http://tfl.nu/hh2b
  Replies (33) Good night (4201) Bad night (5283)
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  (418): View more from Quebec

  I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out

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  (418): I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out http://tfl.nu/dee8
  Replies (7) Good night (3506) Bad night (1820)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?

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  (352): Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house? http://tfl.nu/bc2r
  Replies (14) Good night (9791) Bad night (2527)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.

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  (630): I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/bzms
  Replies (9) Good night (1411) Bad night (2632)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...

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  (903): I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair... http://tfl.nu/9cft
  Replies (17) Good night (1112) Bad night (2170)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister

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  (615): you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister http://tfl.nu/7nfq
  Replies (11) Good night (2156) Bad night (729)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me

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  (864): So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me http://tfl.nu/4trs
  Replies (5) Good night (832) Bad night (1475)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.

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  (678): Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony. http://tfl.nu/3z52
  Replies (3) Good night (835) Bad night (574)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking

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  (540): I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking http://tfl.nu/y8vi
  Replies (1) Good night (703) Bad night (453)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?

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  (908): I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax? http://tfl.nu/w375
  Replies (2) Good night (611) Bad night (372)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I think weed is turning my hair brown

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  (216): I think weed is turning my hair brown http://tfl.nu/5mok
  Replies (6) Good night (376) Bad night (475)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.

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  (712): Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably. http://tfl.nu/fl3q
  Replies (0) Good night (506) Bad night (261)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.

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  (541): I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep. http://tfl.nu/shmm
  Replies (2) Good night (548) Bad night (194)

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