so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
