is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
