why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I am naked and annoyed.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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