i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
