I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
