she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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