Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
