barbara walters just said penis...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
