Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
