no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
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Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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