guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
