I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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