if you like me you must not know who I am
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
